Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Bunnies and Play Boys

I spent last weekend at the Dead Sea. On Saturday morning I got a call from my 28-year old friend, who is the son of a friend of mine. He is someone I see as a young brother and I genuinely like him. He told me that he was staying at the same hotel where I was. So I invited him over for a drink.

He arrived to my room with a beautiful young girl who is obviously his girlfriend. She was wearing a bikini and a matching dress on top. The dress was short and quite open from the chest side. Her outfit was extremely uninhibited, and she had the good looks to make it all the sexier. From carrying out small talk here and there, I realized that she was a decent girl. She definitely came from a very good family. She would not in any shape or form qualify for a cheap girl. She is liberal, but that's about it. From our small talk it was evident that it was not their first time at the Dead Sea. I also sensed that they had at times spent the whole weekend there, meaning that they stayed overnight. All of which would have been absolutely irrelevant had I not known the culture he comes from.

Suddenly I was faced with the hypocrisy that I have abhorred about our society all along. Leading on girls with the promise of love and maybe even marriage, when I know for a fact that when it comes to the “I do’s”, this poor girl will be automatically eliminated form the list. A list that is in the making by the mother who is continuously surveying the family for any “good” girl worthy of her son. Most probably the mother has already in store a “cousin in waiting”. It is for sure that the cousin is also veiled since this happens to be part of the selection criteria. The lucky cousin would now be waiting for prince charming to be done with screwing around so that he can claim his virgin trophy.

I am normally enchanted when I see couples, especially young couples who seem in love. It gives me hope for the beautiful things in life, for nothing beats the beauty of love. Seeing this couple, however, aroused in me exactly the opposite feelings. I was extremely uncomfortable. I felt protective over the girl; while at the same time my affection to the guy made me feel extremely sorry for him. I know he probably wishes he was free of the shackles of his family, mother, and his whole upbringing. Sadly, no matter how much he pretends, what this poor girl did by being normal and open with him, was making sure that the relationship between them would be stripped of any normalcy. By being touchable she has automatically moved herself into the league of the "plagued untouchables".

I wish I could take this girl aside and explain to her what she got herself into. I wish I could explain to her the signs of what to look for. Maybe I should come up with a generic list to be given to all, and not exclusively to this girl in particular. The list would apply because what I saw with this couple this weekend seems to be the norm and not the exception. Young men choosing to lead a double life in their bachelorhood, which they eventually revert to in their married life. Deception and dishonesty are traits once engraved, no marriage certificate could alter.

I like the idea of the list. I will call it the “young women salvation” list. How about “make sure he introduces you to his mother” as a first rule on the list. I am sure my new list has a lot in common with the energizer bunny in that it can go on and on and on. Energizer bunny…hmmm….. maybe rule number two should be “make sure he does not mistake you for an energizer bunny!!! “


Mohanned said...

I wouldn't genralize, but I also don't know the guy or his family..But at least in my close friends circle, I have seen many of them-including me- getting married to their gfs of many years. But I have also seen many dumped gfs, but the guy has always been a player and they-the girls-knew it, and took the bait..Well I guess they were thinking they could be the one that would change him...anyhow, good luck for them :)

Mohanned said...

Oh, by the way, the look of the face on my inlaws everytime me and my wife bring up our relationship prior to marriage is PRICELESS ;)

مياسي said...

i can tell u that what u have talked about is general case indeed but exceptions exist also

and,i can't consider spending weekend with my bf as normal case, maybe i am old thinking but that how i see it

any way nowadays, i had only noticed that sometimes the guy do not decieve the girl or promise her with anything, she knew it till the end and she choose to stay with him!!

"7iah 3asreh mush hek"??

Tallouza said...

Mohanned, you spoke of low self-esteem in your last post. The double standard I am referring to is indeed a byproduct of the dysfunctional and abusive upbringing that we see many go through in our part of the world. A double standard that manifests itself at all levels least important of all is probably the standard applied to girlfriends vs. wives. BTW, don't be cruel....take it easy on your inlaws :-)

Miassy, welcome to Tallouza. The operative word in your comment is "choice". Young people should have the freedom to choose and to be honest and open about it. It is interesting how quickly we are to blame the girl in any relationship, even if she is the one being duped.

EmGrace said...

Thanks for this post. When it comes to relationship issues like this, it is so hard to stay on the proper side of that line dividing "none of your business" and the times when its okay to stop and help a stranger.

.....and I could probably use a copy of your list myself, but I have to suggest a change: it doesn't necessarily make any difference if you're friends with his mother - in my experience, its straighforward introduction to his father that would mean something!

Tallouza said...

Hello emgrace, the line you are talking about is so RED. I tend to stick to the side of "it is none of my business".

Ahed Aladwan said...

What about a list for guys, there are some good guys out there, who are genuine, honest and they were victimes too, a toy till mr. right shows up ....